Gus Cuddy | Essays:

Infinite gratitude

22 November 2018

Every moment in this waking life can be infinite. Light, abundance, and love can swarm us, guide us through this mysterious dance.

There are so many specifics things to be grateful for: family, friends, having food and water and shelter. To be born into a great family, in a healthy body, in 1995, in Western New York, surrounded by love. What are the odds?

But there is also infinite gratitude: a sense that the number of things to be grateful for is not finite, that we can be swimming in total gratitude for everything. Fall down to our knees at the immense overload of raw sensations that make up our consciousness, the incredible color and light and sound and emotions and feelings and sights and things and people that percolate the contents of life-as-we-know-it. Grateful to exist at all, to be able to wonder at the strangeness of it all. Grateful for everything.

Gratitude can radiate out of us. It involves a surrendering to life: to feel and experience it all, which may sometimes include suffering, or pain, or sadness, as much as there is light, and joy, and beauty.

But there aren’t quite words to grasp the infinite. It’s like sticking our hands in the ocean, trying to grab a ball of water. We can only point to it, and search for its signs: in each bite of turkey today, in the Good feelings of love and surrounding, in the eyes of each person you look into.